Tuesday, February 4, 2014

The Question I Stopped Asking My Daughter...

There's one question that I've asked my young daughter, Sadie, since the time she could respond with understandable words...My motives were to let her know how beautiful I thought she was, but I started realizing just last week that the opposite was actually at risk in her mind. Oh My!
Oh, you were waiting for the question. It's simple this:


Seems harmless, right? WRONG. I began to realize that when I asked this question, it made my 4-year old stop to think through her day at preschool, church or play-date and specifically try to recall if anyone made ANY comments about her hair, dress, sparkly shoes etc. If no such recollections existed, she would look at the floor and say, "No. No one thought I looked pretty today."

You see, I ALWAYS think my sweet pea is gorgeous. She is so beautiful inside and out. She has a go-with-the-flow personality (most days). She sings all.the.time. She dances on every surface available. She has sparkly eyes that just glow with laughter or drown you in her pity-parties. She is smart, super funny, compassionate and has such an eye for sparkles, glitter & all things leopard! :) This is what I see and know with my mommy heart.

When I ask that question that I previously mentioned, if the answer is "no", she thinks she is NOT all of the wonderful things she IS. What a shame!!!

How many times have I tortured myself with this question or similar!?
If I get home from church, lunch with a friend, or a meeting and realize no one mentioned my flawless fashion sense, then somehow my fashion must have been "off" that day, which would get me to thinking that maybe they didn't like me all. What in the world!? Did I just say that or even think that!?

My identity must not be in my fashion or people's comments, opinions or even beliefs of what makes "me." The truth is- We are each loved, chosen, fearfully & wonderfully made in the image of God, our Father.(Psalm 139:14) He makes no mistakes and He loves each of us so dearly.
THIS is the message I want to ingrain in Sadie's tender mind. When we stop believing the lies of this culture- that thin is in. That blue eyes & blond hair are best. That I must wear all things chevron or those equestrian boots that everybody has....and realize that even if these made up "beautiful"- I simply couldn't keep up anyway and that is OK!!!

Oh how I long to imprint these truths on the minds of the whole section of young girls who sit on the front rows of my church. I remember well being a young teenager- the nervous bundle of frizzy hair and acne that made me want to shrink with intimidation when the "pretty" girls walked in the room. "How in the world would the cute boy ever notice me when there's "HER"...?" Of course, there is something to be said for a pretty face. God made us all that way. But what about aiming to be a girl who exudes joy to everyone around her? What about being gracious, kind & plain ole FUN!? Most boys would rather be around (and later date/marry) a girl who is confident in who she is than be stuck with a bossy, high-maintenance girl who is pretty but mean. TRUTH!

So take heart girls! Don't be so hard on yourself! You do NOT have to have it all....just be YOU! God is not calling you to be the winner in the beauty pageant. He is just leading you to be a the godly, kind, caring girl that looks outside yourself to see the girl who is hurting to encourage. Maybe you could resist a bit of the peer pressure to be a light who radiates the love of Jesus!!! Think about it. No need to do a 360*. You don't want to freak your friends out! :) Just start small.

1 comment:

curiousforchrist said...

Wonderfully said Kara. A good way to question is to ask about something good that happened today. My kids used to clamor to be the first one to share their favorite moment at school that day.