So today is TUESDAY. I know you know that, but today was the day I've been waiting for. The day we had some questions getting answered. I've trusted, hoped and prayed about today. I've grinned at Andy before falling asleep at night, saying- "Are you excited about Tuesday?" God has laid dreams on our hearts, and today we were going to figured out whether to keep those dreams alive or move on....TODAY. are you getting my point that TODAY was THE day!? (Many of you know that my husband & I have felt for quite some time, that military life was not for us anymore. As the job comes to a close, the "what's next?" question looms over us like a giant mystery.)
So this morning, I woke up from a scary bad dream this morning to see Andy sitting on the edge of the bed checking messages. "What's up?" I asked, not sure I wanted to know. "Plans have changed." No, I didn't want to know. and yet I did. "What do you mean!!?!?!?" I try to calm the frustration threatening to choke me before I even know what he is talking about. "We are going to have to wait until another time to get some questions answered." He said that- so calmly. He calmly walked out of the room. He calmly went downstairs to make coffee. He was...CALM.
I was NOT. I waited for today. I prayed about today. I was patient for TODAY. Anther day was NOT ok. Hot tears streamed down my face. I knew I need to sit down and pray about this, and keep trusting that it was ok- that God knew all about it. I knew God could handle my venting, so I began to tell Him how I needed it all to change back today, since I needed some direction, some answers, something to plan on TODAY- not some day in the future...when I eventually got to the part in my prayer where I needed to say, "I want YOUR will not mine.."
I started to feel a little foolish. I did sit down. I did grab my Bible. I heard God prompt me to look up "plans" in my Bible's concordance. You know, in the back on your Bible where there are subtitles and then phrases from the Bible with that word in it, and a scripture reference to look it up. The only one that popped out at me was one that I wasn't sure what book of the Bible they were referring to because it said "Jas 4." What book was "Jas"??? It annoyed me and made me curious all at the same time. I'm still muttering how disgusting this change of plans is as I look through the Bible and decide the reference must be for James. And then I began to read...(oh my!)
James 4:13-17- "Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” Otherwise you are boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil. Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.
Wow. I was acting as though I wanted God's plan for my week, but when plans changed, how quickly I lost sight of who was planning what! Yeah, humanly, I'm still disappointing that plans have changed for my day, but I am now confident that God has a different plan, and that looking back on it, I will point to today as a fork in the road, and be glad I chose (once again) to trust and wait on God for HIS timing and purpose in our lives.